ELVIS IS ALIVE, PUTS MLF TEAM IN MEMPHIS FOR INAUGURAL SEASON

(Memphis, TN - Graceland) Even in times of recession, war, and a new president-elect, the nation's spotlight is still able to turn to a story that had long been suspected but was finally confirmed.

Outside his home of Graceland, making his first appearance in over 31 years after being long considered dead, the 73-year-old King of Rock & Roll himself, Elvis Presley, returned to the public eye to make a major announcement:

"How you doin' people? Sorry I was gone so long, I just needed to think about when the proper time was to make my return. You see, music has changed, and just before faking my death, I had been forgotten. Now, I see an opportunity and have decided to make my return to make this announcment: Joining numerous other music legends as Jon Bon Jovi, Jay-Z, and Usher, I have returned to put a new Minor League Football team in this very city of Memphis.

"During my time out of the public eye, I had watched Memphis host various minor-league football teams such as the Southmen, Showboats, Mad Dogs, and Maniax to name a few. I saw how the fans were supportive, and I felt it was time to give it another go; this time with the right tools.

"The team will be known as the MEMPHIS KINGS to honor the tradition and legacy associated with my name. In fact, for the entire time of my reclusivness, I had been the highest-earning 'dead' celebrity by Forbes Magazine, a title I gracefully concede to John Lennon (unless he too is hiding from the public eye and looking for a solid date to return, in which case Charles M. Schulz would get it). Since these representatives are making the money delivery, I am going all out and making big plans to put Memphis on the top of the MLF scope.

At this time, I will be taking three questions, but only as related to the Kings. Yes, you in the blue suede shoes."

"Ronald Tillery, Memphis Commercial Appeal. Since the Liberty Bowl Memorial Stadium has had its share of problems, do you think the fans will still come?"

"Thankyouverymuch Ronald. I personally believe that the city will handle any issues with the stadium, and the fans will undoubtedly be there to support us. After all, even before Lambeau Field's renovation, the Packer fans still showed up; also, even though Wrigley Field still looks like it was built by Pilgrims, the fans still come out for their Cubbies. I believe our fans will be loyal, no matter what stadium we're in.

"Next question. Yes, the guy eating the fried peanut butter & banana sandwich."

"SportsLogoPundit blogster Brandon Sparks. What are some of the crazy promos you have in store for the Kings?"

"Thankyouverymuch Brandon. During my absence, I watched my name build up to something beyond your imagination. Now that I'm an old man and long since retired, I just want to use my remaining fame & fortune to help out my new team, the Memphis Kings. At this time, I can't say much about the promos, but one thing I can tell you is you can expect to see them in the national news (even with papers that don't typically cover Minor League Football).

"Last question there. Yes, the two guys wearing DxS shirts and holding an Oscar together."

"Good to see ya back Elv! This is DJ Paul & Juicy J, collectively known as Three 6 Mafia. Our question is, do you plan to give us modern Memphis-10 artists a shot in performing for the team?"

"Thankyouverymuch 3-6. I'll have to say, yes I do. My time as a strong musical chart force is past (laughter among crowd) so I wanna help out these other cats making it big in the city. Not only you, but I also plan to bring along Usher, 8Ball & MJG, Project Pat, Frayser Boy, Lil' Wyte, Yo Gotti, and several other acts to help cheer on the Memphis Kings. Maybe I'll pop in to do some gigs just for fun, but I can't tell you when-y'all gotta show up to find out!"

"Well, I gotta get to work now on setting up the team. Expect more team-related announcements in the future. Thankyouverymuch!"

(leaves podium, cameras flash, spokesperson Michael Burmeister bellows out):

"ELVIS HAS LEFT THE BUILDING! Ho-ho, I always wanted to say that!"